July.... whoa July July.... How is it that it is already July? Dammit.... I managed to appeal for a stay of execution but it's a pending one... It's almost 3am and I can't sleep.... pondering a drive up to Genting, but there are 3 things stopping me right now; 1.) A fren, a good driver no less, just totalled his car there last week. 2.) My brakes, the rear ones I think arent up to it. 3.) No one worth going up with? That's just me.

Topic one got me a little spooked.... fren had an encounter of a different kind that caused his crash.... and it was bad.... right now my "balls of fire" quotient aint that high.... so I'll need some unprecedented provocation (wahahaha inside joke) to drive up... and down...

So why can't I sleep? Frustrations.... with many things.... things that are out of my control.... things that I haven't achieved, things that I felt I could've done better, or been more matured about.... well.... it's a pretty long list.... and I've been out of sync a bit recently.... the tracks are just very bumpy and uncertain... but on some days I feel genuinely happy and contented.... some days.... Happi boy? That's gonna go down the drain soon....

What happened along the way? Am I really that passive? I'm afraid so.... I didn't intend it to be that way but I really have no control over it..... I'm miffed at myself too..... ahhh.... from the surface, yes nothing happened but I tried, as I always seem to do, too hard..... I still give thought to it.... every.... single.... day.... I wanna let it out.... but I'll be very foolish, or very drunk (hasn't happened before btw) to do that..... I've gone through one approach... didn't work... I have no idea what to do anymore..... This is nuts.... Pls for once.... I'm jz asking that something go my way.... just one thing..... anything.... haha


currently listening to : Stay by Safetysuit