  Impatient, at times petulant and sometimes even just a wall of fire.... I have issues with incompetent drivers, roadhogs and ppl who dun give a shit... hence the finger :D Sorry I don't update as much as I used to but when I have serious thoughts that needed to be let out, this is usually the place. Peace! Yes I love fast cars but I love going fast sideways, anyone can go fast in a straight line haha. It is exactly the sort of thing to which I'll say 'Don't try this at home'!
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Suddenly..... A lot of thoughts going through my mind now..... how's it gonna be after my exams? It's a road that everyone has to take.... but here I am, sitting in front of my PC and somehow feeling optimistic..... like I can take on the world... the music helps and I just wanna make sure that I become the person that I set out to be.... yeah life becomes more complicated as we go but I am very glad that I have ppl to share it with.... can't imagine not having you in my life suddenly....
It's been two months now.... almost haha.... and the feeling is just great.... the good. the bad, everything.... won't say it has been perfect.... it never is... but this is as good as it can get :) won't have it any other way.... It's a long road, but we'll make our way there together... it's not the destination, it's always the journey that makes it so compelling.... and the journey is what I wanna take in.... Friends, do keep me in your prayers.... am really approaching crossroads in my life.... Decisions made now will determine how my life will take shape.... but I trust that God has great plans for me and that's all that matters now... this feeling of optimism, will not last long.... but it's a really nice feeling... sitting in my room, dim lights, and great music.... it's been awhile :) currently listening to : Nashville Skyline by Dishwalla
Trying too hard?
Well, this has been something that has bothered me in the past.... few years or so.... I've said it before and I'll say this again, you can't have everything in life.... yeah you can try, but in the end nothing will be enough to satiate anymore come one day.... I was very conflicted with this issue for a long time because of the situation I was in.... but yeah.... I believe as long as you live a comfortable life, you should be contented.... I mean, you have family, friends, and everything you'll ever need right in front of you, why foul that up? Yes, we should once in a while try doing something crazy and get out of our comfort zone but not at the expense of others.
Believe me when I say that family, your family is all you've got when the chips are down.... they will take you back without so much of a thought of what you did to them.... even friends won't do that for you.... So yes, I am disappointed and surprised that things have turned out this way.... You might think that it's what you wanna do and this is your only chance in life but sometimes, think about the feelings of all the people you can potentially affect.... I personally don't think it's a very responsible thing to do..... and one day, maybe.... you'll look back and think that maybe it was a not such a good call after all..... because something's gotta give.... and it's not always about you.... it took me just one question to make me realise how selfish I was.... and I promise I will never do that to my family ever again..... In the end, well.... it's your life.... so I'm not gonna tell you how to live it.... just that I won't do that if I were you.... currently listening to : Opaline by Dishwalla
Happy ;- ) Had an absolutely great weekend.... I got to go Genting, celebrate a special occasion and just enjoyed the few days I had.... Su-Lin and I were freezing (gosh) in Genting and summore bravely walked in the foggy outdoors haha.... but all that matters is that we got to have each other for company :) I'm gonna be really busy soon so another getaway, however much I want one, will have to wait..... Dun have much to say but, it's been a month (!!!).... Time flies don't it? Whatever comes, comes lar.... I'll be there :D Normal service will resume soon..... owh man.... I wanna get everything done with and space out!!! Haha..... yeah we're happy and still in lala-land :P Please sir, can I have more of the same?
currently listening to : Singalongsong by Khalil Fong
Already??
I know reality's gonna bite me someday.... but so soon? I'm not even done lapping up all I can T_T Been feeling queasy in the gut for a few days now.... twice in 3 weeks I think... this ain't good, I eat everything under the sun so this shouldn't be an issue.... lols.... and I've actually been here before.... I can take all this, but do I want to? After all said and done, yes I do.... I ain't here by accident, I'm here cos I wanted to be here..... Won't be goin anywhere in a hurry....
Thing is, I'm not good with all this.... experience counts for nothing.... it's always different.... And I know deep down inside, it's something that concerns everyone.... but I know the facts, I live with it.... so don't make any preconceived notions about mortality when I am the one who has the facts..... I'm more than happy to banish those notions given a chance or an enquiry.... but trust me, it's not always easy to just smile and be the butt of jokes..... I have always smiled and put up a straight face when I get grief.... and you should see how some people's eyes just pop out when they find out.... I can shut up and hide it, why can't I? But no, it is my responsibility to let ppl know.... even though the responses range from ludicruous to downright absurd.... 23 years.... I'm still here.... I don't abuse my body the way a lot of ppl do.... and I think I take care of myself just fine.... I did not ask for it.... neither did my parents.... but these things happen, they just do.... Mum goes the extra mile just to make sure I don't feel ostracised.... but sometimes I do feel it... All I can say is, ppl only care about things that affect them.... so boo hoo... if they are not the victims, they can't see it from a victim's perch.... not that I'm calling myself a victim..... I'm lucky to be alive today.... I still think I am.... and that is testament foremostly to God and the fact that He gave me a system that can fight.... I expect even more to come down this path.... but I'll be ready for it.... When the time comes, I'll step up.... currently listening to : Not Meant To Be by Theory of A Deadman
Smiles All Round
Things are going great these month or so.... it's been awesome.... enjoyable roadtrips, being happy with myself again and jz taking it all in.... there are a few drawbacks here and there but I'm really happy.... despite the madness in uni, despite losing my wallet, despite my car bitching up..... I know it won't last, and I know I'll have bad days again, but this is my time and I wanna enjoy it.... maybe slow the pace down a bit..... yeah that'll be good.... and give myself more time to smile :) It's been 9 months, and it wasn't easy..... but it was worth it.... I'm here now and fingers crossed we'll be good.... had the longest, most cliffhanging 300 metre walk of my life.... but in the end it's great!!! So.... smiles all round :)
currently listening to : A random Jordan Chan song called "Chui Siew Chi Kak"
Love. Myself. More.
Well to start off I had two awesome roadtrips in two weeks, which was in retrospect my two busiest week in uni.... but I'm glad I can see the end of it... Let's not talk bout uni, roadtrip!
Cameron's! Wow, love the cool air and the pace of life there. Ppl dun seem to stress over anything.... must be the air they breathe.... of course some KLites had to conspire to ruin certain things but all in all, short and sweet trip. To my cousin Ryan, thanks for taking care of me, letting me go nuts and looking out for me. You're like the elder brother I never had. And more importantly, thanks for having me, you and your bunch of friends were really nice to me. I hope we can do this again. And pls let me pay for something, anything next time!!! Penang.... Penang Penang Penang! Been there a floppity-jillion times but I still love the place :) Of course I was really drained when it was time to go, but when I was there I really enjoyed myself.... was physically tired but I was up for it.... food was great, wheather not so haha but I have always loved driving to and in Penang so I had great fun. Took Su-Lin's CPS there haha (lucky us, my car developed PMS when I came back). What can I say? Food I already said was good, especially 'oh chien'!!! Love it love it!!! Duck noodles!!! Yeah, that was nice.... Places? Kek Lok Si I always enjoyed goin to, only this time can't see Kuan Yin, got renovation :( view from the pagoda was nice..... Jet-skiing, oh yes that was fantastic, the thrill!!! Dunno how scared Su-Lin was but I was really going for it :D so much so I fell into the sea wahahahaha..... *shy* but again, FUN!!! I always enjoy Penang, for one reason or another.... Only few things was err.... I dunno the fuss bout tambun biscuits so I dun get it when my pals go thru all the hassle to buy it.... I say we can live without it!!! >.< And we were so busy we din get to go to the Batu Feringghi bazaar two nights in a row haha..... and the jam on the way back to KL.... that was a bitch, but I had good company in my car (tho they slept most of the time XD)..... Oh well, till next time Penang :) Right now, well coming to grips with losing my wallet..... kind of a hassle to lose it.... was really bummed too.... but I had great company yest and I felt a lot better.... so thanks yea :) I just wanna finish all the things I'm supposed to and not procrastinate..... then maybe I can focus on things that I know matter to me.... it's just that I hafta keep my priorities, it's hard to but I'm trying..... I'm thinking about it, I always do.... you know I do.... I was always holding out for this one.... and if there's anything you need to know, I'm always here.... so I'm happy... but I know it's not set in stone.... but I'll be here.... I always am.... currently listening to : September by Daughtry.
Happi Boi?
Without wanting to sound that I've obtained nirvana, I've suddenly, and finally, found some ways to start smiling.... there is no one reason to it but I actually feel good about myself and am optimistic.... just like how I used to be.... simple happi boi.... Yeah!!! Really I can't point to a solitary reason but I am really happy.... now I just hope some things turn out in my favour and it'll be awesome! Got things to look forward to as well (Cameron's this weekend, Penang the next) WOOOO!!!! Maybe a road trip will do me good.... but I am really glad that I can see the other side of things which I did not previously..... and get some perspective.... of course I still got a lot of things to deal with but I am really positive about it.... and I jz wanna see my final sem thru and start a new chapter in my life.... For now.... I'm just gonna be contented with myself :)
Oh, and a special thank you.... Step, my best mate, thanks for all the concern and helping me thru my hard times... You always know how to gimme a good pep talk! I know it's not going easy for you man.... but I'll be here if ya need anything aite? And THANKS FOR THE AWESOME NOU CAMP POSTCARD!!!!! Take care bro!!! currently listening to : I'd Come For You by Nickelback.
??
July.... whoa July July.... How is it that it is already July? Dammit.... I managed to appeal for a stay of execution but it's a pending one... It's almost 3am and I can't sleep.... pondering a drive up to Genting, but there are 3 things stopping me right now; 1.) A fren, a good driver no less, just totalled his car there last week. 2.) My brakes, the rear ones I think arent up to it. 3.) No one worth going up with? That's just me.
Topic one got me a little spooked.... fren had an encounter of a different kind that caused his crash.... and it was bad.... right now my "balls of fire" quotient aint that high.... so I'll need some unprecedented provocation (wahahaha inside joke) to drive up... and down... So why can't I sleep? Frustrations.... with many things.... things that are out of my control.... things that I haven't achieved, things that I felt I could've done better, or been more matured about.... well.... it's a pretty long list.... and I've been out of sync a bit recently.... the tracks are just very bumpy and uncertain... but on some days I feel genuinely happy and contented.... some days.... Happi boy? That's gonna go down the drain soon.... What happened along the way? Am I really that passive? I'm afraid so.... I didn't intend it to be that way but I really have no control over it..... I'm miffed at myself too..... ahhh.... from the surface, yes nothing happened but I tried, as I always seem to do, too hard..... I still give thought to it.... every.... single.... day.... I wanna let it out.... but I'll be very foolish, or very drunk (hasn't happened before btw) to do that..... I've gone through one approach... didn't work... I have no idea what to do anymore..... This is nuts.... Pls for once.... I'm jz asking that something go my way.... just one thing..... anything.... haha currently listening to : Stay by Safetysuit
Flummoxed.... I dunno about other ppl.... but music always manages to speak to me in different ways that I can always relate to..... Some songs you listen to... and you sometimes ask yourself whether the person who actually wrote the song knows what you're actually goin through.... it's comforting to know that sometimes, I'm not the only one out there facing what I'm going through.... I was always gonna end up second best in this one.... in my defence, I can't help it.... I'll try... I need to get back up.... man.... and on days like these, music always picks me up..... Don't wanna wallow haha..... but well.... I did miss you... I do miss you...... but you'll probably never know how much I actually care bout you.... nothing I can do.... and I'll let it slide.... but I can't help it.... and I know it's my fault.... it's time to go.... I was never expecting anything.... because it was clear.... it is me who never lost it..... P.S. Well I guess I am not so cryptic now huh..... Been keping it to myself.... but that's not good for me.... I guess I gotta go....
Is this the end of the moment currently listening to : Anywhere But Here by Safetysuit
Merry Go..... Round
1 more paper.... and another month of working.... maybe it'll take my mind off things... think I want it to.... I'm not stupid right? I have been there before.... and I seem reluctant to take something out of it.... life has suddenly become.... routine for me... never happens to me..... maybe it's time to go..... somewhere and disappear for a bit.... a sabbatical if you will.... cos if not, maybe things won't change.... it just won't..... remember what I said bout changing the world? I mean it.... and if things don't turn out one way, then it must turn out another way..... there were two schools of thought in this one.... one party said be patient, stick around and another said don't take it, just keep swimming (haha)..... so there you go.... I kinda thought I made up my mind already, but somewhat I didn't.... the status quo remains the same..... so, if I go awol..... you read it here first.....
currently listening to : Megalomaniac by Incubus
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