  Impatient, at times petulant and sometimes even just a wall of fire.... I have issues with incompetent drivers, roadhogs and ppl who dun give a shit... hence the finger :D Sorry I don't update as much as I used to but when I have serious thoughts that needed to be let out, this is usually the place. Peace! Yes I love fast cars but I love going fast sideways, anyone can go fast in a straight line haha. It is exactly the sort of thing to which I'll say 'Don't try this at home'!
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Up In Arms....
One more.... just one more sem and life will take me somewhere else.... now it's really beginning to dawn on me.... to be honest, I've had it easy.... never had to worry bout much until lately.... lately things have really worried me alot.... things that I never even gave as much as a thought.... maybe no one will read this but I still find myself nervous and stammery when I do certain things.... goosebumps.... if you will.... Where will all this bring me? Oh man.... I really don't know.... will I be good enough out there? Well.... don't know that either.... one thing I know? I'm not a pessimist and that'll start things off.....
Haven't told anyone lately about what's really on my mind.... but that works too.... maybe.... I do miss it.... but... what can I do? I really don't wanna fool myself.... but I'd like another take.... a different take maybe.... I want to say it out loud... and proud so that there will be no doubts in my mind.... It's replaying on and on... I think I can do better.... but really.... I'm just babbling.... dunno what I'm saying.... maybe... currently listening to : Distance by Evan & Jaron
I'm Okay :)
Yeah I think I am.... despite the deluge of assignments that await me.... I think I'll get through it.... heck, I've been doing this shit for the 3rd year running I should be able to do it with my eyes closed :D but I don't think I will..... well this is the time of the year where I spend a lot of time with my chums, I mean a lot... and that has helped me in more ways than one :)
Yes like I did expect, the year 2009 has been quite different..... haha it's kinda all really weird... but in a nice way, sorta.... but I don't think I'm done yet.... I just think that given the right time, and place, I might see myself doing so much more than I ever did.... and maybe then I can let loose again.... well, till then.... I'm just gonna take it easy.... and appreciate my surroundings more.... currently listening to : Yes by Coldplay
Can't Point A Finger To It.....
I kinda thought the dust has settled.... and I really do want it to settle and get moving.... well easier said than done.... This is not good for my health and wellbeing at all.... if others can do it in a heartbeat, then why can't I? Dammit I hate that I'm so like.... like that!!! Bloody hell I just don't understand why time and again I let myself do that..... it's NOT the first time.... but I do want it to be the last.... for my own sake... This has got to stop..... getting hurt really isn't fun.... Well.... whatever it is... to hell with it.... I'm cranky and for once, I should get to vent.... and I'm not gonna let this happen to myself again.... dammit.... Just.... bleargh....
Okay..... breathe, breathe..... now.... I'm good... and I've just found another reason to smile in the midst of all this personal motherlode I'm pms-ing about..... I received mail from Melb, Australia today :) God that really saved the day! I'm really really grateful and touched by that gesture.... so thank you :)You have no idea how much that mail helped..... and man it makes me miss you guys even more T_T Yes we will have that phone call I promise.... and please do consider coming back? If only for a month, I don't care haha.... but seriously, thanks! currently listening to : Pushing Me Away (Live In Texas) by Linkin Park
Yeah Maybe....
I've been contemplating some things over the past week..... the few at least... not so much what I'm gonna do but what I will do... then I won't look back.... It's been so long since I've had a chance to properly sit down and reflect.... I used to do that a lot.... but this year is panning out to be something quite different..... a chance to grow up I suppose.... but I've got myself swamped.... so I use nightlife as an excuse to get out whenever I can.... but I can't keep up with this.... I really can't.... I'm what I am and if that's the way it's gonna be, I'll just have to keep my head down and take it.... OWH MI GAWD I need to go on a road trip like.... ASAP!!! Whatever I can get..... I've said it before... I'm a simple guy.... and right here right now, I'm.... right where I am.... but I don't wanna be in the same place for all time so.... I'm grabbing life by the scruff and I'll make something out of it.... but can I? Whoa.... now that's a genuinely mind-blowing question....... yeah maybe.... just, maybe.....
There's a lot that I don't know There's a lot that I'm still learning But I think I'm letting go To find my body is still burning And you hold me down And you got me living in the past Come on and pick me up Somebody clear the wreckage from the blast And I'm alive And I don't need a witness To know that I survived I'm not looking for forgiveness I just need light I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution And the bars are finally closed So I try living in the moment 'Til the moment it just froze And I felt sick and so alone I can hear the sound Of your voice still ringing in my ear I'm going underground But you'll find me anywhere I feel That I'm alive And I don't need a witness To know that I survived I'm not looking for forgiveness I just need light I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution You hold me down You hold me down I'm alive And I don't need a witness To know that I survived I'm not looking for forgiveness I'm alive And I don't need a witness To know that I survived I'm not looking for forgiveness I just need light I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution I need light, I need light currently listening to : The Resolution by Jack's Mannequin p.s. You know there's always a song that you can relate to whatever you're going through.... well this.... is one of those songs.....
Emo?
Well yeah I had about as rough a week as I have had for a bit..... but I made it through... and I'm glad.... but some things that have happened in the past week again got me thinking..... and think in another way....eye opener and a fairly great weekend I had, but I froze..... when it mattered, I just couldn't, despite the setting being the perfect foil for me.... but again... maybe in time things will fall into place, and the chance will present itself again... only that time, I'll probably know what to do and not just wonder what could have been.... but for now.... I'll be glad to sit it out....
currently listening to : Suspension by Mae
It's Not Always Up To Me.....
Is it? Haha I know it never is.... but I've been all that I can be... so I guess that's about as much as it is.... Been listening to a few tunes that I haven't heard in a while and listening to it again brings back a lotta thoughts.... thoughts that provoke, and those that forces me to do more thinking.... but I don't wanna think, or overthink specifically..... It was so easy some time back.... so how did I get here? The classic answer is, I don't know.... but I don't wanna be so ignorant as to always take that for an answer..... I WANT to know.... and that I will work on.... It has been really great and that should be the way it goes on.... but it never is that simple is it now? After being through what I did..... I should know how to deal with a variety of these issues.... hahaha and suffice to say I think I'm doing rather well.... But yeah it'll all go away in a bit....
currently listening to : Decode (Acoustic) by Paramore
In Loving Memory of.....
After visiting relatives today, I discovered a lot of things I'd never thought I did.... and it drew me back to that one moment in my life that will probably always be an inspiration to me..... Thought my surname was unique? Well, if things weren't so rigid back in those days, my family name would have been? Tan, possibly the single most common surname around (sorry Step and Yoons). But that's besides the point..... I remembered how my parents told me my Grandpa Ngion had to come to KL to make a living, I always wondered why, when all his younger brothers (the Tans, all of them) lived off inheritance in Bangi, inheritance that he was not part of, despite being the eldest....... all because he was a Ngion.... he didn't even choose to be one...... he was thrown out of his own house at 13 to make a living, in a place he knew no one.... but make it he did.... on his own he raised TWO graduate sons, one being my dad.... Never once did he resent his brothers, he makes it a point that we all go back to visit Bangi every CNY, we still do.....
But back up a few years ..... I was in form 3.... Grandpa was sick, down with liver cancer.... Critical stage... he didn't have much time..... I'd always check on him when I come back from school.... maybe he realised that he was goin away... but one such day he said to me, "Jing Ping, Grandpa would probably never see this happen, but I'd like very much to see you wear a 'sei fong mou'(graduation cap?), promise me that you'd accomplish that" I was too busy crying to promise him....... he slipped into a coma several days later.... those words, were the last he said to me.... On 14th June 2001, the Lord took him home, but he didn't die alone, a broken man.... No, he was surrounded by his whole family, he knew we were there, and he was at peace with himself.... I just wanna say, Grandpa, that you were some man..... and to let you know that I'm very proud of you..... I know my father still misses you.... he refuses to change that Seiko watch that you left him, though it's faulty..... I'm in my final year now.... and I will graduate.... It's been a long and hard journey, and there's still so much more to life.... but I know you'll be looking down on me.... and I will be thinking of you when I finally wear that graduation cap..... I know it's not nice to talk about death during CNY.... but this wasn't just any story.... I felt that his legacy should have been recognised, at least by his grandson.... to deny him that would be a travesty.... so, I make no apologies.... currently listening to : All We Are by Matt Nathanson
Don't Ask....
Hahaha but food tasted better today, songs sounded nicer and everything suddenly seems so...... peachy :D I haven't had that feeling for a bit and usually days at work will only serve to make me more agitated.... but not today :)
Things just somehow turned out good and even though I had to wait for it a bit, it was really nice to let it out..... and I'm trying to stop smiling.... wahahaha but I can't :P I'm a happi boi.... but maybe along the way I forgot how to be one... It's great.... that's all I can say... oh and did I mention my ulcer is getting better? Yeah that kinda makes me an even happier boi! currently listening to : Love Story by Taylor Swift (seriously, don't ask!)
Blip.....
Had a really great start to the year, celebrated with frens and my close chums, and I finally bought an MU jersey!!! But barely a week later, I'm lying here moping over two days of MC.... aarrgghh an ulcer in my jaw became full blown and for the past 2 days I've felt like an absolute twat..... stuck at home and unable to even pop anything bigger than a biscuit in my mouth T_T the meds do make it better.... and the previous day I laughed so hard that I forgot bout the pain for a bit, of course even performing simple acts like laughing required a bit of improvisation :P I just hope the meds work, and work fast.... I can't stay home and mope around like this, I'll go nuts!!!
currently listening to : Wish You Were Here by Incubus
I Can Only Say.....
Thank you.... even though I was indeed supposed to do this before the year 08 ended, it's never too late to be grateful to the people who have made a difference in your life, is it now? So the list is;
My family: Sometimes I know I take you guys for granted, but dad, mom, you have been my pillars of strength throughout. When I was down, it was you both who picked me up, showing me unconditional love..... For that I cannot thank you both enough.... Wesley Chin: My great mentor, brother and friend.... I know I'm really not the easiest of your charges to handle, but thanks for your patience, your advise and constant phone calls to remind me that I always have a brother in Christ that I can look up to.... You have been a great role model to me and I'm so grateful to have a friend like you.... The Crazy Gang (hanceforth known as the Gang): You guys have all made a difference in my life, one way or another. Some of you talk too much, some are too noisy, some just don't make sense, but I love you guys all the same.... God knows how lonely I'd be if I don't have you guys for company, Jing is a happy boi because of you fellas! You know who you are :) Whoever I forgot or overlooked, my apologies, I'm a very simple person and that's the way it is.... but most of all, I thank God for all the lessons I learned, the hardships, the great times and I look forward to a great 09'.... Cheerio currently listening to : Crazy For This Girl by Evan & Jaron
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